


Untitled

by SassyLassy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Nonbinary Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-04 04:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4125327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyLassy/pseuds/SassyLassy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's super late, the sun is almost up, and Gamzee Makara just made the biggest mistake of their life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Untitled

The illumination of the screen lit up their face, seeming far brighter than it normally would considering how dark the room was that they were sitting in. Tousled hair, tangled and knotted and scratched at multiple times in the past hour hunt in front of mix-matched eyes. Green and blue, the ocean and the grass, looking tired and mixed with red as eyes ran again, and again over the letters written upon the screen.

Gamzee Makara was in love.

It was the most painfully awful experience they had experienced. The feeling even outweighed when they announced to their strictly religious father that they were non binary. That Gamzee was not a boy, nor was Gamzee a girl, but Gamzee was Gamzee and that was all they were. At least back then, they knew just what to experience when they came out. Shouting, loud angry voices, pleas to not throw ‘his’ soul to the Devil but towards Gods loving embrace.

What do you anticipate when you’re in love? Endless hours of day dreams, imagining a life when he would look upon them with warmth in their eyes. Dreaming of his warm lips, his hands, his company in ways that outweighed the company he gave them already. Friendship with him, with Tavros, was equally wonderful and awful.

Because they were in love, so in love, that they knew the others foot falls. Gamzee could hear him approaching from a hall that was smothered with other people walking. If Tavros was walking at night, alone, down a street and Gamzee were nearby they would know it was him and feel completely at ease for it. So many quirks rolled up into this wonderful creature who the fates had destined to bless the world with his presence.

And a presence that made Gamzees’ existence painful.

So what do you do when you’re in love, and finding yourself incapable of telling the object of your desire how you felt? You played out the scenario of what it would be like. How would the weather be, how handsome would Tavros look, the sun dazzling behind him, outlining his strong features and that ridiculously handsome mo-hawk he wore. These day dreams had played before Gamzees’ eyes time, and time again.

Only this time they had sat down and wrote an email. It was the mother of all emails. Never had they written something so profoundly deep, emotionally raw, and open. It was their admittance, their letter telling Tavros that they loved him. How deeply they felt, almost making Gamzee believe in God again and the idea of soul mates for that’s what they felt for Tavros. The first moment their fingers touched years ago, a conversation over video games of all things, a shared lunch which had become a daily thing at college.

Gamzee spoke of the deep longing for him, how fulfilled their life felt with Tavros in it. Even going to the point of using the words love, adore, want, and need. Their fingers trembled against the keys as they typed, not bothering to stop and adjust the spelling mistakes, the grammatical errors, nothing of that sort mattered as they typed and poured their feelings and emotions and lust into one long email to a man he sometimes found trouble looking into the eyes of.

They were so rich, so brown, so deep and emotional he could see what Tavros was thinking with just a look. With how he carried his weight, the posture, the slight nibble to the corner of his lips. To Gamzee, Tavros was a book. The kind of book you wanted to keep more than any other book in existence. A book that should be rightly praised and kept and kept safe so nobody else may dare to bend a corner, rip a page, damage it in any way.

It was almost 5am in the morning and Gamzee had written this email, this admission of affections that were stronger than their own existence entirely, and they ghosted their fingers on the mouse. Sleep tugged at their eyes, their shoulders, tugging like a lover trying to lure them to the near by bed. Rest, sleep whispered, rest and sleep and forget this flesh for a moment. But fingers had a strong memory, this was known to be true, for those fingers guided the pointer to the email input, clicked and found a name from a small drop down box.

That same hand led the mouse to the 'Send’ button and clicked it.

Seconds ago Gamzee had been ready to sleep.

Now Gamzee was awake and staring in absolute horror as the email turned from draft, to sent. That email that was never meant to be sent, never to be seen by living or dead human and animal eyes or any ones eyes was sent. Tavros Nitram was going to open his email once he awakens, and find that email sitting there waiting for him. No title, just a sent name, and a letter that was a unbroken, block of text from Gamzees email.

They bolted from the chair, tripped over their own feet and finding the toilet they threw up.

After that lovely piece of anxiety and panic had erupted from their body Gamzee paced, heart racing within their chest. What were they going to do? What could they do? Skip town? Kill themselves? Say it was a joke? That Sollux had hacked their email and sent it as a joke? Each and every option and idea popping like bubbles from a fizzy bath filled with bath salts felt as empty as the bubbles were. There was no way out of this.

And suddenly their phone was ringing from its place on their bed.

Gamzee stood there, terrified, breathless and unmoving until they slowly moved towards it. Eyes on the name that flashed upon the screen.

[TAVROS]

And Gamzees world froze.

**Author's Note:**

> to be continued? maybe!!


End file.
